Your Parenting Manual - Find It In Your Values
Written by Catriona Tozer
The baby arrives and you become a parent. You are not required to take any form of training, no tests. Parenthood starts immediately from birth and there is no dress rehearsal. For those of us who like security, stability and familiarity the roller coaster ride begins.
Where is the manual? How do you decide what is best for you and your family? Help and advice is dished out by friends and family who are quick to comment on what you are doing, what you should be doing and "If I were you I would do this" type of comment. Does that help? Perhaps; but far more helpful would be a system that allows you to make your own decisions; taking into account the exact needs of you and your family. Being a mother is now an integral part of who you are. But a little part of you is different, who are you? Your identity is now caught up in being a mummy and with that comes the responsibility and attachment of parenthood.
There is a manual uniquely written for you, though not in print. It is inside each and every one of us. This manual is made up from our values and knowing what these core values are enables us to start parenting and living our lives in exactly the way that we want; guaranteeing us happiness and fulfillment.
To know what your values are ask yourself the following:
*What must I have in my life, what is important to me? Eg: love, security, creativity, order, integrity, freedom, achievement, respect, honesty, well being. This is not an exhaustive list. Think of your own words to describe what is important to you. Write them down.
*Know exactly what each of these values means to you. Write down what they mean.
*What does each value give you? Keep asking yourself what is important to you.
*Now think about what makes you annoyed or angry. Turn that directly on its head to give you the opposite. Eg if being lied to makes you angry the opposite of that may be honesty. Honesty would therefore be one of your core values.
When we know and understand our values, what makes us tick; we have a better understanding of what we want and of which activities and behaviours will honour those values. We can also see other peoples' values, helping us to understand them better and respect them. Being a mummy throws up new challenges, but understanding our own values and thinking of ways to honour them gives you a very personal, working instruction manual, for life.
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Your Parenting Manual - Find It In Your Values
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